Making Decisions/Transcript

This is an episode transcript for Dorbees: Making Decisions.

Theme Song
Narrator: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth; all that is seen and unseen. And in the panorama that is the unseen,

Beyond the secret world of the insect,

Beyond the atoms that form the grass they hide behind,

In the infinitesimal pantheon that lurks beneath our feet and beats with hearts anew, live...the Dorbees!

Green Dorbee: Dorbees!

Everywhere I look, I see Dorbees! Rolling to and fro, I see Dorbees!

Why don't they go away?

Dorbees!

Rolling down the halls I see Dorbees! Tiny little balls, I see Dorbees!

Why don't they go away?

Jack and Mary Jane: We really mean it!

Both: Why don't they go away!?

Green Dorbee: Dorbees!

Cabin Segment #1
Delta:How y'all doin'? Now, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Old Delta Dorbee, and most people 'round here call me Delta. But you call me... ... ...mm, Delta. Yeah... I've been livin' here in Dorbee Town for now goin' on 72 years, and, I guess I've been playin' this guitar for about 63 of those years.

Flec: Hey, Delta, hey man! You'll never guess what I found the other day when I was rummagin' through a rancid pile of unwanted, untainted, fresh-from-the-belly navel lint! Y'know what? I just love corn fritters, don't you? There's just somethin' about corn fritters man, that just makes you feel... full! Y'know what I'm sayin'? Anyways, you probably don't wanna talk about corn fritters, 'nothin like that. Hey, anyway, check this out, look at this! Hey, man, what'chyou think, man? This thing's almost brand new! I saw them down there at the general store for 59 cents. But luckily, I got this free, I got this free, man! Y'know what, I'd love to join your band, can I join your ban--hee hee hee, y'know what, I just can't, I don't wanna join your band, anyway, I tell you what, though, you wanna hang out with somebody, you wanna jam with somebody, just get weird, y'know. Hey, brothers for life, that's what I say man, brothers for life. Hey, I'll just be over here in y- in yer- storm, sewer, gutter, OK? If you need me, just give me a holler.

Delta: Eheh! I tell you what-- Now, y'all, that was Flec. Now, he's always around here someplace, and he is crazy. Yeah, together, we've seen him come and go. Ah, times, have changed a lot here in Dorbee Town, but I'll tell ya what it seems. Y'know, life in general, always come back to making decisions. N-Not just any decision, mind ya. The right decision. The one, the good Lord wants you to make. Now for instance, take my little ball friends Jack, and Mary Jane Dorbee. Now see, Jack... eheheheheh... That boy is a character, yes sir. He's at school, but see, he really don't wanna be there, no. And I have a feelin', that he's gonna try, and I mean try, to persuade Mary Jane to get out of there with him. Y'know, that old school reminds me of a lil' music place that used to be right there, on that spot. Now, a few days ago, uh, 1952 days, me and, uh, Old Tubbs John, now he...

Mary Jane and Jack Segment #1
Teacher Dorbee: Now, as you can see, the isolation of the parallelogram is concurrent to the vertical side of the polygon. Now what is exciting about this, is that they are both the related side according to MacGyver's theory of gumstick tubing.

Students: Oooh, wooow.

Cool Dude Student: Cool, dude!

Teacher Dorbee: But what's really exciting about this, is the fact that the sum of the total of all sides is 90 degrees! Heheheh, heheheh, heheh.

Jack (VO): "I'm bustin' out! Follow my lead if you wanna get outta here."

Jack: Mr-- Mr. Waddleworth? I- I'm not feelin' too good... I think those Jello-pops at lunch were bad. Can I go to the nurse, please?

Mary Jane: Uh, yeah, me too, Mr. Waddleworth, I had the jello-pops, too.

Teacher Dorbee: OK, children. But hurry back, because we're gonna start Chapter 13, and you know what that means... Dissecting congruent triangles!

Jack: Dorbee. Jack Dorbee. Follow me!

Code Red (V): CODE RED. CODE RED. ESCAPE ATTEMPT DETECTED. COMPLETE LOCKDOWN IN T-MINUS THREE MINUTES.

Jack: Oh! Uh-oh. Uh...

Waah!

Doh! Whoops.

Wah!

Ah! Uh-oh. Look out!

Mary Jane: Ah!

Waaah!

Mary Jane and Jack: Yes!

Cabin Segment #2
Delta: Now, y'all... I hate to see them skip school. Yep. That always lead to trouble. Mmm-hmm. And speakin' of trouble... This is a young Dorbee right here 'bout to find some.Now, his name is Otto, and he just came in from across the big pond. Not bein' from around here, he gonna need him some new clothes, now, every blues man knows, when you need duds, you go down to Digs. But not bein' a man of the blues, I'm not sure Dig's is gonna be the right choice for Otto. Y'know, I remember we had a drummer, his name was Stix Catfish Willie. Now, Stix could play that show, he could play the skin, y'knowwhatI'msayin? The only problem is, he only had one drumstick, and he had a bad left arm, wasn't nothin' but a nub! But lemme tell you, he could work that hi-hat with that nub.

Dig's Duds Segment #1
Otto: I must find the clothes here. To find some regular American clothes, so that I might fit in better with the common folk.

(Otto enters Dig's shop)

Woman (VO): Aww, yeah.

(It's Dig's! Ooh!)

Uh-huh.

Dig: G-roovy.

(Ooh, ooh, ooh!)

Aww, yeah.

Hello, my brother love. Welcome to Dig's Duds. Hit me with some skin. I am Dig Esquire, and this is my assistant, the soft-spoken "Norm".

Norm: Yer darn tootin'!

Dig: Now tell me, what can I put a hip brotha as yourself in today?

Otto: Thank you. I am Otto. I am looking for some clothes that will make me more discrete, and then I can fit in better with the common folk.

Dig: Well, look no more; you came to the right store. Shoot, all the cats shop here, don't you know that?

Norm: Yer darn tootin'!

Go to Dig's
Main article: Go to Dig's

Dig: Yo, Otto, everybody knows that it's clothes that make the man. So let me break it down to you like this:

You wanna look so groovy

Like an actor in a movie

But you needin' some good threads

To finally turn some heads

Well boy, you're lookin' kinda square; tell me, what's up with your hair?

Let me hip you to the game,

but you gotta remember my name.

You go to Dig's

You go to Dig's

Whether small or big

You go to Dig's

You know I'm gonna have your style, baby

You go to Dig's

Try these bell-bottoms on for size,

Or these glasses for your eyes

Or this funky velvet shirt,

Boy, you know it's gonna work (Norm: Yer darn tootin'!)

And these platforms for your feet,

And this hat, it looks so sweet

Like my good friend Huggy Bear

You won't go... anywhere

Get out your digs

You go to Dig's

Whether small or big

You go to Dig's

Your life is full of choices, baby

You go to Dig's

When it comes to shoppin', you know you're cold rockin' at D-I-G-apostrophe-S.

Mary Jane and Jack Segment #2
Jack: Woah! Look at that, Mary Jane! It's Old Man Rutter's house!

You know Lil' Billy Jenkin Dorbee? He said he went there like two years ago, and- and he said he went in there to get his ball, but come to find out he- he didn't really go in there, and his mom made him eat soap because he- he wasn't telling the truth, but he said he went in there and saw like monsters and rabbits, but he didn't really like go in there, and y... You remember that?

Mary Jane: I never heard that story.

Jack: Well, it was in all the newspapers. Anyway, we could go in there for sure this time and find out some stuff.

Mary Jane, there comes a time in a Dorbee's life where he has to pick himself up by the bootstrap. When a Dorbee has to grow up and take what's his! A time to be a man! You gotta- you gotta beat the man to be a man! You gotta climb to the summit to even see the top! You gotta want it! You gotta call for the ball even when the coaches wanna feed you a rock! Yo [SOUND CUTS OUT]

Mary Jane: How'd you do that?

Jack: I-I dunno! ...So let's go! Are we men, are we mice?

Mary Jane: We are!

Jack: O-OK, let's go!

Mary Jane: But wait, Jack. That house really looks scary. And, well my momma says that it could be dangerous, and we might get hurt. And the Bible says that we should honor our mom and dad.

Jack: Yeah... Well, I know, Mary Jane, but, it's not gonna matter because everybody's gonna be so jazzed about what we found in there, that nobody's gonna remember that we disobeyed our parents!

I Wanna Be Grown Up
Main article: I Wanna Be Grown Up

Mr. Poe & Yogul
Unnamed Announcer: DORBEE GERMAN ACCESS TELEVISION PRESENTS

MR. POE & YOGUL

Singer: Who's da

Strongest Dorbee in the world

Who's loved by every boy und girl und yak!

It's Mr. Poe... and Yogul!

Who makes his living fighting crime and carries bags of flapjacks on his back!

It's Mr. Poe! and Yogul!

He is very very very very very very very very nice.

It's Mr. Poe! And Yogul.

Unnamed Announcer: Last time we saw our crime-destroying duo in the clutches of their evil nemesis, Doctor Dairy.

Dr. Dairy: I'm a moo!

Unnamed Announcer: Now Dr. Dairy has captured Mr. Poe's trusty assistant Yogul, and strapped him to his evil stretch machine. Can Mr. Poe reach Yogul and save our trusty friend?

Dr. Dairy: Where is your Mr. Poe now, Yogul? Where is your Mr. Poe no-oooow? ...Oh, pardon.

Yogul: Dr. Dairy! You'll be sorry when Mr. Poe gets here! He is a crimefighter, you know.

Dr. Dairy: Oh, he will never find you this time! You see, my factory is secured by electrical fencing, and reinforced by... ill-tempered chickens?

Yogul: Oh, Mr. Poe! Mr. Poe, where are you?!

Mr. Poe: Have no fear, Yogul! I have found you! Dr. Dairy, what have you done?

Dr. Dairy: Rats! How did you through my electrical fencing?

Mr. Poe: Wire cutters, Dairy!

Dr. Dairy: And my chickens?

Mr. Poe: They just needed to be loved.

Dr. Dairy: Oh, well I can understand that. I guess a hug every now and again is somewhat refreshing. We-- Well, Mr. Poe! You are late as usual! And as you can see, your friend has already been placed on my imac-diabolical, algorithmic, integral, polasizmic, particle-assimilating, discombobulating, anti-protificating, Dorbee-undulating, luinscinating, self-extracting, self- adjusting, self-cleaning, rubberizing-elongating-shogurt Stretch Machine 2000 with Duelismic Unregistered Shareware Version 2.0 Beta. Ohohoho. Ohohoho! Ohohoho...

Yogul: I am quite uncomfortable.

Mr. Poe: Hang in there, Yogul! Put yourself in a happy place.

Yogul: (singing) Grey skies are going to clear up, put on a happy face...

Mr. Poe: Hang in there, Yogul! I'll be right there!

Yogul: (singing) Rain, sunshine, all over the place...

Mr. Poe: Ooh, that won't work. Hang in there, Yogul!

Yogul: (singing) The sun will come out, tomorrow, so you got to hang on 'till tomorrow...

Mr. Poe: Oh, it's too short... Keep singing!

Yogul: (singing) Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, tomorrow! You're only, a day, aaaaaaa...

Mr. Poe: No, not quite long enough! Oh, well. If at first you don't succeed...

Dr. Dairy: Oho, oho, w- w- w-w-why- why do I- why do I laugh- why do I always do this, for a second I cannot remember. Th- Oh, Yogul. Heh, Yogul, heh, ohohoho, ohohoho, ohohoho...!

Yogul: (singing) Oo-doo-doo-do. Doo-do. Doo-do, can't touch this! Oo-doo-doo-do. Doo-do. Doo-do, can't touch this. Hammertime!

Mr. Poe: Naaaa! Z?! Just one more minute! Sing Yogul! Sing like the wind!

Yogul: (singing) Rocky mountain high... Colorado...

[Push for World Peace]

[Push to end World Hunger]

[Push here to free poor Yogul from the dreaded apparatus]

Mr. Poe: A-haaa!

Yogul: The pretty little Surrey with the fringe, on top-- Aaah! Oh, thank you, Mr. Poe! I was starting to feel quite light-headed.

Dr. Dairy: Hoho-woo! Ahaha, heh, heheh, heh, heh, OK, enough of that.

Mr. Poe: Come, Yogul, let us seize the opportunity and flee! Quick, down the corridor!

Dr. Dairy: Curses, foiled again. Atatatatata~ Not so fast, you have to get past me! I see you have escaped the... well- Well, the machine, you know- wha- what? What did I name it...?

Yogul: Mr. Poe! What can we do? We are finished...

Mr. Poe: Don't worry, Yogul! There is always one thing that can stop a cow cold in his tracks.

Dr. Dairy: NO! Not the-- Oh... The beautiful light...

Mr. Poe: Quick, Yogul! I can't hold it forever! Tip him!

Dr. Dairy: Moooooo.... Moooooo....

Unnamed Announcer: And so, once again, good conquers evil; day conquers night; and Mr. Poe and Yogul are free to make the world a safer place. Tune in next time when we hear Dairy say...

Dr. Dairy: Ooh... I hate to be tipped.

Dig's Duds Segment #2
Flec: Hey, ya'll, what'cha doin' over there, tryin' on some stock clothes or somethin'? Hey, you know what? All I need's a pair o' overalls and I'm set! Y'know, I don't even need no shoes! I can just have some overalls and I'll be fine. You know, they got overalls down there at the general store, you wanna go down there, they got 'em for 59 cents! But I got these here for free. You know what I was doin'? You know where I found these for free? You d... You don't wanna know...? Yeah, well, I understand that, that's OK, I don't wanna get in your way or nothin', but if y'all need me, I'll be over there in the polyester shirt rack, OK?

Otto: I feel somewhat like a goat on milking day. I don't know. Mr. Norm, do you like this outfit on me?

Norm: Yer darn tootin'!

Dig: Brotha, you look fiiine.

Otto: I must thank you for your help, Mr. Dig. Your honesty has overcome me. I was told in Sweden that the big city people would try to take advantage of my small-town ways. But, you have taken me to a place of special trust. And I must say I count you as my friend! Now, what do I pay you?

Dig: You know, I do stand to make quite a few green bags off my Icelandic brother. But I'm not sure I can actually say he looks good in those threads... Of course, with all the money, I could go down to Tito's pawn shop and get my 8-track back. Ah... I guess every Dorbee's gotta make the right choice sometime. Otto, my man... I can't lie to ya! Now, mind ya, my store is the bomb. Ain't nowhere in town that can slide with my inventory. But I think a special brother like yourself needs to go next door. See, I think they got exactly what you're lookin' for.

Otto: Oh, thank you, Dig, thank you. You've helped me so much.

Norm: Darn tootin'.

Mary Jane and Jack Segment #3
Mary Jane: Wah! Ah!

Jack: Woah! Woah...

Jack: Hey... Y-You see anything over there?

Mary Jane: No, do you?

Jack: Mm, no. Hey, look!

Mary Jane: What?

Jack: An astroball!

Mary Jane: Cool, an astroball!

Elvis: Oh, h-hey, son, you got any nanners? Oh, baby, close that door, then. 'Tryin' to get my eat on.

Flec: Hey! Hey, you all! Look over here, you'll never guess what I found! I found a whole slew of assorted tangerine-scented, pink polka-dotted, chocolate-covered, wildberry-flavored jellybeans over here in this cubbyhole! Come on over 'n check it out. Uh...well, OK then, that just leaves more for me! I'll see y'all later!

Jack: Hey, hey, let's go up the stairs! C'mon, hurry!

Mary Jane: OK, hey, when we get up there, let's see if we can---

Jack: Aaah!

Mary Jane: Jack! Jack, are you OK? Throw up the astroball!

Jack: I-I can't. I... I'm stuck! Pull me up, Mary Jane... W-what're we gonna do?!

Mary Jane: Well, I gotta go get help!

Jack: No, no! Whatever you do, don't do that! People'll know we ditched school!

Mary Jane: Would you rather me go get help or stay down in that hole for 15 years? ...Jack?

Jack: I'm thinkin'...

Mary Jane: Well, I'm gonna go get help.

Jack: OK, OK, w-w-wait Mary! Listen. Listen, ok- Hey, wa- OK. OK. Go get help, but listen. Don't make a big scene. Keep it quiet!

Street Dorbee: Today, two young students were caught trespassing in an old abandoned house. We here at Channel 2.3 feel their hurt, feel their pain, and feel their need. We feel their longing to be free. But, they did skip school and disobey their parents, so I can't help but feel that somehow that they deserve it. In a related story, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis were found sharing a peanut butter-and-nanner sandwich, playing astroball. This is Street Dorbee for Channel 2.3, live action news. Back to you, Walter.

Walter: Two children. Two cute little balls. Meaning well. A rock star and a mafia king. Coincidence? I think not. This is Walter Concrete Dorbee; good day, and good night.

Crane Operator: OK, fellas, pull 'im up!

Jack: Man, is my dad gonna be mad!

Jack's dad: Are you OK, son? We were worried sick about you...

Jack: I'm sorry, Dad. I guess I really made a bad decision today.

Jack's dad: Son... There's gonna be plenty of time for you to grow up. And you know what?

Jack: What...?

Jack's dad: Tomorrow's a brand new day.

I Can Feel A Brand New Day
Main article: I Can Feel A Brand New Day (song)

Dorbees: I can feel a brand new day!

I can feel a brand new day!

I can feel a brand new day!

I can feel a brand new day! (Yeah, yeah!)

I can feel a brand new day! (Yeah yeah yeah!)

I can feel a brand new day! (Yeah, baby!)

I can feel a brand new day! (Yeeeeaaaaah!)

I can feel a...

Brand new...

Day!

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah woo!)

Cabin Segment #3
Delta: Yeah, I am glad everything worked out for the better for little Jack and Mary Jane, y'know? And 'last time I heard, Otto was real happy in his clothes.

Flec: Beam me up, Scotty! Vrrrrrrrr! Eheheh, that's pretty good, in'nit? Oh, I'm sorry, you're makin' a point. I didn't mean- Hey, y'all, I'm sorry, y'all. Hey kids- You know what, I'm just gonna go up here and hang in front of yer- the top-left side of your TV set, you know? If you want me, you wanna just hang out and get weird, that's where I'll be, I'll let you get back to what you were doin', I'm sorry, OK, see ya.

Delta: Ehehee! That Flec... Flec, you crazy, I tell you! (Yeah, yeah, uh, anyway...like I was saying, life... is about choices. And a good one, it ain't always easy to make. But if you pray to the good Lord--I mean really pray to the good Lord--He's gonna keep you on the straight and narrow. And he's gonna show you the way.

Credits song
Main article: Credits song

Dorbees!

Those, Dorbees!

Why don't they

Why don't they go away?

Aw, you know what I mean, it's

Dorbees

Dorbees

Why don't they... You can't- you can't stop those Dorbees!

No way!

C'mon, fellas, hit me one time with a... a groove, you know?

Those Dorbees

Just don't go away!

Yeah!

Camera Man: Yep... That's a wrap...